The Phases of Fear
by shelivesfree
Summary: Written for The Phobias & Character Competition. Remus Lupin and Selenophobia (fear of the moon). What goes on in Remus' mind during the cycle of the moon.


**_Written for the Phobias &amp; Character Competition by Screaming Faeries. _**

**_Phobia: _**_Selenophobia - fear of the moon._

**_Character: _**_Remus Lupin_

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_The Phases of Fear_

_.new moon. _

If anything, the new moon was Remus' favourite time of the month. It was the time when he was least affected by his symptoms. He could almost pretend that he wasn't a werewolf. The sky seemed to be clear and empty, and it brought him much solace. It was the only time in his life where he was not afraid.

During new moons, Remus would often go for long walks around the grounds, savouring the outside air and the dim light of the stars. He would lie on his back and count the constellations, for the moon was absent. It could not haunt him, or mock him, or remind him of his true nature. It was a pleasant time.

_.waning crescent._

The waning crescent was mocking. It was like the sky was smirking at him, almost laughing at him, reminding him that another cycle was yet to begin. It hung in the sky and watched over Remus like a judge.

"Come on," it would say. "Try your best. You cannot hide."

Remus often scowled up at that irritating smirk; cursing the being who controlled the sky, cursing the cruel world who had made him what he was. A monster.

_.third quarter. _

Once the third quarter moon arrived, Remus began to grow frightened. His symptoms started to appear… only mild headaches and some lethargy, but nothing too severe. But it was the appearance of those symptoms that made him anxious. It wasn't long now… all those horrible memories would come rushing back and he would withdraw within himself, keeping locked in his room. He wouldn't talk to anyone, even James and Sirius would be ignored. Poor Remus would just sit all alone in his room, deigned to wait out this rollercoaster of nightmares.

_.waning gibbous._

The arrival of the waning gibbous was the hardest time for Remus. His symptoms were much, much worse. He grew pale and lethargic, his headaches turned to migraines and his mood swings were more dramatic. It was an agonising time. He hated it. It wasn't long before the full effect of his condition would take hold, and that terrified him. He refused to go outside at night, for fear of the moon, almost full, but slightly deformed on one side. Only a few days and he would become the monster of his nightmares.

_.full moon._

Remus could never remember much of the full moon. There were large gaps in his memory. Sometimes he would wake up, naked, alone in the forest; bleeding from scars, self-inflicted or otherwise. The earliest memory of the full moon was the excruciating pain. Every bone in his bone fell like it was being shattered by a sledgehammer. His skin felt like it was being pulled off, his skull being split in half. When he awoke in the light of the morning, those memories were burned in his mind, and he often broke down in the fear of it all. He could never remember how he ended up where he was, nor what crimes he had committed during the night. But it was over, and that he was grateful for.

_.waxing gibbous._

Mourning. That is what followed the full moon. The presence of the waxing gibbous filled Remus with guilt. He couldn't remember what he had done, but the moon reminded him that he was a monster. He almost feared the waxing gibbous more than the full moon. At heart, Remus was a gentle soul. The thought that he could have killed innocent lives terrified him. It made him sick to the stomach. It was the time where he was scared of himself.

_.first quarter._

Comfort came with the quarter moon. He could almost bear to look outside, seeing it strung up in the sky amongst it's starry companions. Scared though he still was, Remus enjoyed the light that the quarter moon brought; it was a soft, pale light, like his mother's hugs.

_.waxing crescent._

Remus was always glad to see the waxing crescent moon. The small, soft smile coaxed him from his fear.

"Everything is alright now," it told him kindly. "You survived another month."

And for a while, Remus felt no fear at all.

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_**A/N: I decided to structure this a little differently. I hope you enjoyed it. Please read and review! :) xx**_


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